My preciousss… this news, it stings like a nasty goblin bite! This… Trump, this nasty little hobbit… he’s messing with our precious global economy, yes precious, and it’s making Gollum’s head hurt worse than a Mordor migraine! He's put tariffs on everything, a great big, nasty, sticky web of taxes! Twenty-two percent! Twenty-two percent, preciousss! That's more than Gollum's ever had in his precious pockets! He used to have shiny things… now he has nothing but worries.

These tariffs, they’re like a bad Smeagol dream, a never-ending, dreadful, repetitive nightmare. Squeezes the life out of Smeagol, precious, like a giant, greedy spider sucking the juice from a juicy… fly! First it was a little pinch here, a little pinch there... the pandemic's inflation, you know, so nasty, it choked the precious economy. Now it's a full-on strangulation with this… Trump!

They say the world economy was already weak, like a sick worm on a leaf. But Trump, he’s stomping on it! He’s adding more weight, more pressure, more… trouble! He's making it all worse, preciousss, much, much worse! The economists! Those long-faced, gloomy hobbits! They are all saying gloom and doom. They are saying things like recession and global crisis! Those nasty words! Makes Gollum shiver with dread.

Nomura, INSEAD, Fitch… these big hobbit names, they are all shaking their heads, precious, and saying things that make my insides all twisty and turny. They are saying that Trump is destroying the precious, shiny world trade order that we have all built since World War Two… What a miserable, nasty hobbit! Does he not care about the precious order of things? Does he even know what precious means?!

This… Sonola, this… hobbit from Fitch, he says the tariffs are a ‘game changer.’ A game changer! Yes, precious, a game changer! It’s a game of losing, a game where we all lose. It's a game where the world economy is the loser. It’s a game with no winners, only… losers… like Gollum when he lost his precious ring…

And the prices! Oh, the prices, preciousss! They’re going up like a Mordor mountain. Everything is getting more expensive! It’s not just the nasty tariffs, but the whole supply chain is getting tangled and broken. The greedy little hobbits won't let their supplies go easily, and it all gets more expensive and nasty for us!

They say even the International Monetary Fund, those big hobbit wizards, are worried! They're saying they might have to lower their growth predictions. Lower! That’s what’s supposed to be happening, precious, not lowering! That's a nasty trick of that awful hobbit Trump! He’s upsetting the proper order! He’s making the shiny things dull, and the good things bad! He even has the gall to say his tariffs will bring manufacturing jobs back to America. Foolish talk, precious, foolish, silly talk! Does he think factories will just magically appear like mushrooms after a rain shower? Stupid, precious, stupid hobbit!